Doubt is a funny thing. It seems like doubt strikes when you least expect it and can least afford it. As the transition gets closer and closer I asking more and more questions....I'm feeling doubt-full.
Can I do this? Should I do this? Am I crazy? Everyone I come in contact with tells me I'll do great and that it's a good fit for me. That's great that they all think so, but what if I don't think so? How am I going to go back to school again? What if the kids don't make new friends at school? What if Jessica can't find a job? What if I hate it? What if we can't fit everything on the moving truck? What if the finances don't work out? The questions are endless right now and that makes me doubt.
Often in the Christian life, we think asking these kinds of questions is bad. We think it shows a lack of faith, a lack of trust. I don't think so...I think it's part of being human. God made us to be dependent on each other and totally dependent on Him. If we didn't question things and have doubts and fears we wouldn't need to depend on anyone -- we wouldn't feel the need.
So I'm clinging to the fact that this is what God wants from us. It isn't easy, but it's right. It may be that sometimes it isn't fun, but it's necessary. I'm clinging to the fact that "God is my rock and my salvation" and that his will will be done.
So I'll likely doubt some more, but I'll trust some more and depend on His promises some more. And that's a good thing.
Am I crazy? Probably. But then again, maybe crazy is good!
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